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We've been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been often caught off guard by others. Her husband left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her friends vanished during that time, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, many in her circle have disappeared without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, despite the fact that she had been very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, we have each stepped back from work and are seeing time together, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is as the audience. I introduce topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto things she cares about. Politically, she has strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and different perspectives.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well many times and lived in for a while. I attempted to share insights, yet it was unappreciated. She really solely sought my agreement with her choices. I've just returned from a month in that place and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away without explanation, but I don't think she'll truly understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and willingness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing how things go during your discussions. It should be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. Next is to express her how it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute on this point. Emotions are valid, after all. The third step is to question ways you together can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Remember she too has a point of view, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's wildly impactful for promoting better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person could ignore everything, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story about themselves they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it represents they've known. This is difficult as there is no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this before reflecting your perspective. And should you don't achieve a fix, you'll have closure knowing you were open and direct.